The Diversity Hire

There are two people at work I really can’t stand. One is some fat piece of shit that will “ackully” everything I say. It doesn’t matter how little he actually knows about the subject. He has a real hard-on for shutting me down. More on him later. Today I’m talking about the other person.

In the past few years, there’s been a real push to “diversify” the workplace. Incase you’re an idiot, this means putting women in typically male dominated jobs, as long as they’re “cool” jobs. Not logging, trucking, welding, or sanitation. It’s mainly just tech. Note that this doesn’t work the other way around. No push for more men nurses or preschool teachers.

Why the fuck am I talking about this? Because the day-to-day bane of my existence is a diversity hire. My company really likes to taut how it’s a ‘woman’ owned business and trot out their “female developer.”

Now I couldn’t give two shits about a woman writing some code. I only have a problem with hiring someone because of their sex parts. But this woman only started writing code a few months before starting.

Okay, cool. A company that gives young devs a chance. They put her in charge of the company’s flagship software.


A multimillion dollar piece of software is in the hands of someone who doesn’t understand many-to-many relations in a database. Serious. She tried to put a list of usernames in a varchar column. I asked her why, and she kinda got huffy and dismissed me. That is the root of her personality. She can’t stand criticism and just really bitchy. it seems like every week during scrum (her scrum spills will be a whole separate post) she talks about someone she hates. I’m not sure if it’s insecurity or bitchy-ness. It may be both.

No one really challenges her. Just praise. Since I have to deal with her code the most, I’m the only one who dares to speak up. I’ve given up on that.

I try to be as diplomatic as possible. Even then, she gets defensive, and everyone else looks at me like, 😮 “how could you say that to her?” It’s a real coddled environment for her. If she ever gets a job at a real dev house, she’s in for a rude awakening.

Sorry for the rambling. I’ll try to be more cohesive in the future.